When the “lose” is really a win, of sorts.
Another day, another job rejection — but don’t let it get you down. Let it lift you up.
Amongst (many) other things, I write a bit about work, the future of work, remote working and the likes because I’ve chosen a life path where this maybe matters more than it would for most people.
That is, I’m hoping for the day when more and more employers get on board with the notion that the workplace is fundamentally changing, as are the concepts around what people being at their best in a work context mean and the approach to work-life balance.
The professional path I’ve chosen, for context, is a non-traditional one. Sure, I’ve held more conventional permanent roles, and for substantial periods, but over the past decade my interest has shifted to more flexible roles — where hours are non-conventional, remote working is a live option and with companies who see that thanks to the interwebs and tech, this is, at least for some industries, the future of work.
Given this road less travelled I’m on, it will come as no surprise to some who’ve decided this is also their way that I have applied for more jobs than Donald Trump has told porkies in office (check out the Pork-ometer at Politifact) — hard to believe, I know, but not #fakenews, FACT! And, this means I’ve also received more reject emails — or, as is sadly a state of the times, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL — back than…yes, Donny and those porkies again.
what we need is “ego-insulin” — a mechanism that can regulate and transform how we manage happiness and disappointment.
Now, we humans are kind of bound up in these damned finicky ego things, and unless you’re some super chilled Buddhist-type, ego is not up for rejection of most kinds, taking even the most simple “no” as an assault against the very fabric of what ego is all about.
Which makes some sense, but “Yeah, Nah”, as we Aussies say.
Yeah, because sure, it feels pretty good when we get a “yes” instead of a “no”, an acceptance instead of a rejection, a win instead of a loss. It’s an instant ego sugar hit that can last for a while when it’s a HUGE dose — like a great job offer or your partner saying the “L” word (no, not “Loser”) or your team winning the SuperBowl/AFL Grand Final/Premier League Title etc etc.
Or, like most real sugar hits, it will just give you that little pick-you-up that puts a spring in your step and a smile on your face for the next little bit.
Ain’t NOTHING wrong with that.
But…Nah, because just as with actual sugar hits, only getting “yesses” will lead to your teeth rotting, right?
And when it comes to your ego, too many “yesses” either give it an over-inflated sense of self-importance OR potentially do the reverse of what you might hope they would do — make it increasingly overly sensitive to future “yes” and “nos”.
Its’s a little like “diabetes for the ego”, which isn’t to make light of diabetes, but it just strikes me as an interesting analogy!
Yeah, nah, as we Aussies say.
Because we can’t unshackle ourselves from our egos, given they are essentially WHO WE ARE, what we need is “ego-insulin” — a mechanism that regulates and transforms how we manage happiness and disappointment.
I can obviously only speak to how I do this, and clearly, we’re all different, so I don’t necessarily have the “secret sauce” that everyone will find to their taste. However, I can at least offer a teensy bit of personal wisdom.
OK, wisdom might be a stretch, but you know what I’m talking about.
It’s actually fairly simple. Bringing it back to the work context, sure, I feel a momentary niggle of regret or pain or ego-bruising when the no or rejection comes through. I’m not sure that’s something anyone can avoid, not even the most enlightened creature because we humans are defensive by nature, and that momentary sphincter-tensing slap of rejection means that just like a sea urchin retreating into its shell at the sign of a predator, we find a way to put a protective shell around our essential selves.
BUT, the “nos” are in fact good for us.
No, ESSENTIAL.
They teach us to be introspective.
They ask us to search for possible answers around the rejection.
They make us look deeper at our selves and our lives than a “yes” ever could.
And they leave scars…in the same way muscle is ripped up and scarred when we’re going hard at the gym, which ultimately makes us stronger, bigger, better, more able.
Around the job search more specifically, there is also the other aspect of just not taking it too personally. Again, difficult if you’ve put your blood sweat and tears into the best cover letter ever, but recruiters and HR types and any other decision-maker in an organisation have an entire agenda around why they’re looking to employ someone that goes WAY outside the description we see in the job ad.
the “nos” are in fact good for us.
AI is also playing some part in the job application process (as are online pre-application scanning programs similar to IQ/psych test) whereby cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, CVs etc are being scanned to shortlist candidates, with humans only coming into the picture at the next stage. Sadly, while this might free up resources and be seemingly more efficient, it’s not foolproof and I would guess some great candidates are slipping through the cracks and vice versa — those who can nail their cover letters with just the right weighting of hot words for the AI to register and weight positively are getting over the line when maybe they shouldn’t.
But again, there’s no real should or shouldn’t about this whole job searching thing, right? There is seemingly no rhyme nor reason, which can be terribly frustrating.
This isn’t to blame employers for the way they recruit. It’s a truly difficult, hit-or-miss, imprecise science, and I figure they still try to do the best they can to get the right person for the job.
What all this comes down to is ALL YOU CAN DO IS TRY.
TRY your hardest.
TRY to shine.
TRY to sell yourself in an honest, confident, impressive way.
JUST TRY.
But, MOST IMPORTANTLY, don’t be scared of trying and failing.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill
When you do something, in this case apply for a job, and it doesn’t pay off, pick yourself up, remain determined and even get a little angry as I have at times as this can be bloody motivating in terms of the continued search, at least for me!
Realise that the “losses” are in a way small wins in propelling you onwards to the job you’re meant to have.
Let them lift you up and take you to that job.
Survive, thrive and feel alive at the possibilities ahead.
You can do this.
YES. YOU. CAN.
