#FakeFootyFriendships
Who would you lie to to keep the peace when it comes to sporting rivalries?
It’s been a difficult year for Australian Rules footy fans, but particularly for those in the heartland of footy, and rolling lockdowns, Victoria.
For non-Aussies reading this, watch this hilarious old-school film about footy!
COVID-19, and the difficulty of prolonged lockdowns, have meant the absence of the ability to worship our game in the flesh, except for the lucky South Australians, Western Australians and most-lucky-of-all Queenslanders who have had a literal festival of footy, the likes of which they will never see again, and culminating in an historic first-ever Grand Final away from the ‘G and at night time.
Despite this footy hardship so many have faced, I remain incredibly invested in the game, maybe even more. I’ve still watched and listened to a lot of footy, still been involved in tipping comps (stupid me in an impossible year to work out who the heck is gonna win from week to week) and still sweated weekly over my fantasy footy team and league.
One thing has changed, however.
And that is how much I’m texting, messaging and even talking (over the phone for the most) with friends about footy.
Not just during games, either, when I frantically text with other footy-mad mates about games I normally wouldn’t care about, but also about all the other off-field footy stuff going on.
Like most fans, while I am super loyal to the Hawks, I have soft spots for a couple other sides.
The Tiges, because my much-loved dearly departed nana took me to more Tigers games as a kid than I reckon I’ve been to in my adult life.
The Lions because Fitzroy, Fagan, Hodgey and Birch but also because they are the excitement machine of the AFL at the moment.
And then there are the teams we despise that springs from those legendary team rivalries in the AFL.
Carlton v Collingwood.
Port Adelaide V Adelaide.
Collingwood V Richmond.
(Everyone V Collingwood, let’s face it).
And, of course, there is the one that many call the greatest modern rivalry — Hawthorn V Geelong.
This last one has revealed something to me what I can only call my “footy shame”.
I am a footy fake.
By this, and sadly now I’m outing myself to any of my mates who read this, I mean that I have several footy relationships with people where I fake that I care about how their side is going.
Let me give you an example.
I’m a dyed-in-the-wool brown-and-gold Hawk (cue: cries of derision — my response #backtobacktoback). One of my closest mate’s parents are the same but “they are Geelong the greatest team of all, they are Geelong they’re always on the ball…”
I text my mate’s mum EVERY weekend during the season. Mostly it’s about whichever game our respective team is playing in with “good wishes” that they do well. And, when we play each other, it’s respectful well wishes for “a good game whatever happens”.
The thing is, I loathe Geelong.
Even though I was a child during the great Essendon v Hawthorn years of rivalry, ever since that 2008 Grand Final — the one we won, so I’m not sure why it was the catalyst for this hatred — I have held this abiding distaste for the side from down the highway.
A product of the Kennett curse?
Unlikely, but maybe it is linked given the spooky powers those fateful words our supreme leader spoke seem to have had, damning us to be beaten more often than not by the Cats.
The thing is, because I dearly love my mate’s folks, I have to bury this hatred, or, let’s be honest, outright lie and offer words of support.
When the Cats win, I throw heart-eyed emojis her way, even though my hand is posed over the green-faced vomiting emoji.
When they lose, I send her words of sympathy and one of the many sad or crying emojis when all the while I’m hooting with joy and want to send the “too effing sad/not sad” emoji — maybe the stinky poo one?
When speaking with another friend about this, she completely related to my experience. Like me, while being loudly vocal about teams she despised when talking to her own, the good sport mask came up as required.
What does this say about us?
Are we just being “good sports” with our pretence or are we betraying our colours?
Should we both just be true and either not comment at all or speak our minds to avoid being such fakes?
I take some comfort that I’m not the only faker who turns the other cheek on these deep-seated hatreds for certain teams.
But it still sits uncomfortably with me, and I wonder whether I should bare my soul about my hatred of the Cats to my mate’s parents or take it with me to my footy grave (which is a long way off I hope)?