Alone or Solo? Which are you?
The “loneliness epidemic” brought on by COVID-19 and lockdowns has another side — the “Alone-ness” life
I’ve been feeling guilty lately.
Not for eating too much chocolate…or being unable to get to gym due to COVID-19 lockdowns…or bingeing on Netflix when I should be…well, writing.
No.
The guilt has come from enjoying being alone at a time when we are constantly being told (or are actually hearing from friends around us) that so many are struggling with enforced isolation and the associated loneliness “epidemic”.
Even prior to COVID-19, high “community transmission” of the loneliness epidemic has been much discussed as social networks break down, leading to a variety of both mental and physical health problems for those who feel increasingly isolated or dislocated.
And while this dislocation has been partially offset by digital social networks, which some have used to stave off the epidemic by plugging into these in lieu of actual physical networks, these digital connections don’t suit everyone and are seen as a pale substitute for the real thing.
I’m glad to see governments and society more broadly tuning into this and hopefully even just the simple acknowledgement of the situation will lead to solutions to it.
But what about those of us who enjoy the solo life?
Loneliness v Alone-ness
People like me, who revel in the loneliness, or the “alone-ness”, as I prefer to call it.
People who function best when solo.
Who are introverts by nature.
Who work in fields where some dislocation helps us focus on what we’re doing (eg. the writer zone).
Who are a little commitment phobic.
Or a little selfish (or self-full).
Or a little gypsy-like in the way they live their lives so they don’t want to form too strong a connection with those around them as they know life will sweep them away to the next thing soon enough.
Or who are able to form strong connections quickly and feel secure in them so don’t feel the need to then constantly engage.
Enjoying this solo life does NOT mean you don’t make strong connections to others. That you don’t enjoy time with friends or family. That you don’t get involved in fun group activities or sports. That you don’t fall in and out of love.
And clearly compared to those who have been struck down by this loneliness epidemic, we solo types are not impacted in a negative way when something like COVID-19 comes along and magnifies dislocation or isolation.
Neither do we need the support the lonely need to help them manage the negative effects of the loneliness. I am all for everyone, including governments, pitching in to try and lift people out of their loneliness and shed some light and happiness back into darkened lives.
But the solo types of the world should also be supported in their choices. I feel lucky in that many of my friends and family understand this about me. They revel in the fact that I’m “different” and even live a little vicariously through me at times because of the choice I make.
And yet…I still feel the guilt.
This isn’t always necessarily a bad thing as it helps me stay more sensitive to others who feel the weight of loneliness more than I do and keeps in check how I interact with them or help them navigate their lives.
It means I never get too cavalier about my approach to life when I talk about what I’m doing or the fact that I kinda revel in that fact that I’m fine being solo about 98% of the time.
I guess the guilt mostly stems from the fact that I wish I could find a way to share with people the “special solo sauce” that allows me revel in and sit with the quiet of my own company ,
To never feel lonely or bored or isolated.
I don’t have the answer of how to cure the loneliness epidemic or to stave off the guilt I feel that I’m untouched by it.
But I hope that by being true to myself and my solo pursuits, that my love of the solo life rubs off on them a little in a way that brings them back from darker places loneliness pushes people.
And that they can always reach out with the knowledge that, while I may be happily living the solo life, I’ll always be accessible and generous with my time and ready to be there however I can for them.
The Road Not Taken
BY ROBERT FROST
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.